The co-creation of the doula and client relationship

Thinking about birthwork, writing about birthwork, doing birthwork. Oh how it humbles me over and over. The contractions I witness my clients ride work on my soul too. Softening the edges, yielding the illusion of knowing...anything! The longer I’m in this work the less I think I know and the less I think know the better I am at this work. The true knowing comes from feeling. The feeling is sharpened in the soul that is open and can bow deeply to each experience whether it’s in joy or grief, that bears witness, that can lament and celebrate often at once.

The doula and birthing person relationship is one of co-creation. Holding space is innately intertwined with how you came to the space you wish to hold. No space is ever truly neutral.

How can a doula help you explore the depths of your inner landscape if they don’t know their own? How much work have they done on their shit so that you can be sure that their willingness to help is coming from a place of rootedness and not from the need to fill a void in their own lives. How do they manage expectations, assert boundaries, initiate your power as opposed to enable your habits? Are they seeking or are they seated? Can they take their time or are they explosive? Do they dismiss your words with toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing or do they see you, validate you and not project onto you. Their ability to hear you is only as good as their ability to hear the language of their own bodies 🗻